Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
