Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You were trust falling into bushes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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