At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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