I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
