dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize