He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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