Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
