so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
