Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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