Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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