If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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