How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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