went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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