It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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