Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
