Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
