i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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