so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
