1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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