I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
