Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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