Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize