My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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