Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
