I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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