I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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