I want to have your abortion
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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