You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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