Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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