Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
