I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
