Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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