I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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