Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
