we have officially lost it.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
