Umm I'm too high to move.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
