a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
