If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
