you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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