im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this just has baby written all over it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
