sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
