just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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