My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
