he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
