allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dear god my vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
