it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
