I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
