And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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