we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
