what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
false alarm, still single
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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