last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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