Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you win again, gameday.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
