Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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