i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
