I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
