he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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