I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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