Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
