grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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