I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
