please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
