You work out of a Hotel?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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