my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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