i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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