Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
