If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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