i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
