Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
