i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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