I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
