so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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