Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
