help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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