That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize