Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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