I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
